Kissing Lessons from a Turkey
by BlueNovaBunny
Summary: Yuffie has found the ultimate way to capture Vincent's heart. Unfortunately she doesn't have this skill, but she can rely on a Turk to help her out. Reffie RenoxYuffie Onesided VY [Oneshot]Revised.


Kissing Lessons from a Turkey by BlueNovaBunny

_emphasis_ or _thoughts_

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of FFVII, especially the males, but if I did, they certainly would be working at a strip club and making me very rich. Enjoy the story.

Yuffie's P.O.V. Sort of…

"Vinnie, you should be happy otherwise I wouldn't be doing this!" Yuffie groaned and dropped the group photo taken two years ago after battling what she called the 'Evil Sephy Clone'. It was really a sad day with the Great Ninja Yuffie was stuck in a dingy (not really because she is a princess, ya know) Wutai apartment talking to an old battered photo when she could possibly be stealing materia or verbally annoying someone.

"It just isn't fair," Yuffie cried into her pillow. Just when vampire boy was becoming human and getting over _her_, then that _gir_l (she wasn't dignified a name in Yuffie's eyes) came and stole Vinnie's attention away from her…well almost all his attention. No one can really ignore Yuffie; it was just one of those impossible things.

Yuffie sat up defiantly, hugged her pillow, and glared at her semi-clean wall. _I will not give up on Vincent. Even if I have to _(gulp) _do something drastic…_which brings us back to the present. A little bird had told her a week ago that the Turks, ex-Turks, Jerky Turkeys, or whatever, were back in town.

Yep, it seemed like ex-henchmen needed to vacation too and in Wutai nevertheless. Besides thinking Turks equals blah in Yuffie's mind, she also knew a certain redhead would be traveling with them. Not that she had any feelings for Reno, but it was so obvious he was a ladies man, or thought he was. She could tell from a glance that he was experienced, and what Yuffie needed was experience. Reno was the only person who knew her (sort of) personally, but wouldn't be too weirded out (maybe) by her request. Also, She had something really good to bribe him with. He was close, but not too close for this experiment.

Yes, she would seduce the unattainable Vincent Valentine by her kisses! Now only if her unsuspecting tutor would appear. She did leave a note at the hotel where they were staying at; requesting Reno's presence, but her method of delivery was a bit orthodox. Airplaning the note through the balcony window wasn't exactly conventional, but whoever said the Great Ninja Yuffie was conventional?

Just when Yuffie was about to give up and drag her ass over to the Turks' place, someone knocked on her door. Yuffie hummed to her own tune and half skipped, half glided down the stairs (what kind of dingy apartment has its own personal stairway?). She landed perfectly on the patch of carpet in front of the door with a leg poised gracefully behind her. She did a ballerina twirl, swung open the doorway, and bowed.

Reno's P.O.V. Sort of…

First thing I thought to myself when the ninja girl opened the door was what the f—Didn't she know someone could easily take off her head with a sword in that bowed position?

Needless to say, I was a bit peeved, no, pissed was more like it, at Elena for making me come. She said in that all so bossy tone of hers, 'We are no longer fighting with AVALANCHE…blah blah…benefits…blah blah…friendships…blah blah…more bullshit; like I would give a damn about being friends with those people. Personally, I was itching for a good fight anyways.

Normal P.O.V. Sort of…

The cigarette that was held snuggly at the side of his mouth dropped uselessly on the ground.

"Oh damn, that was my last one, yo." he curse viciously. The ninja girl just rolled her eyes and dragged him into the apartment. He was somewhat surprised the kid was strong to partly drag him through the threshold.

"There's no smoking allowed anyways. You want me to get evicted?"

Reno raised a crimson eyebrow, "Do I?" He shrugged off her fingers intertwined in his fancy suit and shut the door behind him, not caring that he left a slight footprint on her door.

At this Yuffie huffed and pouted. _Aw Leviathan, the man was in a pooy mood. Now how am I gonna get him to teach me how to kiss?_

"So why am I here, smarty-pants; assuming you are smart, right? I mean, sending a note through the window wasn't exactly smart, yo; especially when the past day there has been some light rain."

"Rain…" _Oh crap,_ Yuffie frowned; _did the note actually make it through the window?_ She squinted, but still couldn't remember if it did.

Reno sighed, "It didn't make it to the room. Elena was barely able to read the running ink this morning. Hence I'm here without any breakfast. So feed me." He strolled over to her kitchen and promptly stacked his feet on her dinner table. Yuffie grumbled, but knew she should feed him to get him into a better mood.

"So what's for breakfast, yo?" Yuffie grabbed a stool, ignored the snort of laughter from Reno, and proceeded to look through her cabinets. Reno presumed she found what she wanted when he heard an 'Aha'. Yuffie proudly plunked the bottle of maple syrup and plain flake cereal onto the table. She even threw in a bowl for his benefit.

"What? This is breakfast for you?" No wonder the kid was so hyper every time he saw her.

Yuffie nodded, "Sometimes I add powdered sugar on special days." Reno placed his work shoes on her linoleum floor and walked towards the refrigerator. He grabbed the container filled with a white substance that resembled milk, sniffed it, and then poured some into his bowl. He attempted to grab the syrup to sweeten his cereal, but then decided not to risk it when Yuffie gave a feral growl at his offending hands. The brat was crazy enough to actually bite him for it and he did love his fingers intact.

He contemplated as munched at his breakfast while Yuffie sickeningly swallowed only the cereal and maple syrup. "So why did you ask for me? Why not Rude?"

Yuffie visibly shuddered. Could she really see herself kissing that bald mammoth? _The guy has killer fighting talent, but physically, _Yuffie stared at Reno_, Reno_ _looks so much better. Reno does have a certain bad boy hotness about him, but Vinnie sure has _moody _bad boy hotness down pat. Remember, this is all for Vinnieboy! _

Reno stomach dropped as he realized Yuffie was staring at him, nonstop, while he was eating. _Oh snap, she better not have poisoned the milk!_ _Poisoning good food is beyond evil, yo._ "Yuffie, why did you bring me here?" He carefully put down the spoon and tensed up. His eyed the room for her giant Conformer. Noticing it would be too huge to hide and that it wasn't in the room, he kept his gaze glued to Yuffie, looking for any sign of movement, indicating any sharp object of hers would want to make nice with his precious face.

Yuffie rolled her eyes and held her head on one hand while leaning on the table. "Relax; I'm not going to kill you." Reno was still tense; he knew he was about to hear something bad, or, adding the shinobi into the mix, probably outrageous. "I just want you to teach me how to kiss well."

Damn, he was right, and he kind of wished she preferred to kill him.

B-R-E-A-K

"No freakin way!" Reno paced back and forth in her room. Nether mind how the wacko girl got him into her room. It involved a lot of screaming, whining, stuffed toys, paper cuts, and embarrassing moments which he did not want to talk about.

"Oh, why not?

"No freakin' way, I said," yelled Reno. Yuffie pouted and grew teary-eyed. When that didn't work, she let out a feral growl and latched onto his leg. Reno stood still, too shocked for words or movement. Then he started screaming like a banshee and moving around crazily, trying to dislodge Yuffie to no avail. Yuffie was determined to catch her Valentine no matter how, no matter what.

"Listen, I even offering you some precious materia that I wouldn't offer to anyone else. So help me now!" Yuffie held on even tighter and relaxed a little, and then squeezed her eye shut from the nausea as he started shaking his leg again.

"I don't want your stupid materia. You freakin' offer is a joke. Just let me go so I can leave." He again tried in futile to shake her off.

"Uh, Turkey breath, you better stop shaking or you're going to make be puke all over your shiny shoes." Reno instantly stopped and Yuffie collapsed on the plush ground. She smirked as he tried to escape through her door that was locked. Jingling the knob or blowing it off wouldn't get that sucker open.

"Well, since my materia offer doesn't please you, then how about this. You know I'm the Wutain princess," Reno eyes narrowed at her, "and it would be so easy for me to rile the public up and get them to kick out some ex-Turks. I think you've done some unpleasant business here before, so it wouldn't be that hard to for them to be pissed off at you." Reno closed his eyes in frustration and just could imaged how angry his friends would be if they were run out of town because of him.

"Fine," shouted Reno and he sat down her bed and glared at her. Inwardly, he grudgingly gave her kudos for being an excellent conniving brat. Yuffie gave one of her megawatt smile, but it became lopsided as she saw the whole picture of Reno in her bedroom, on her bed, poising so like some sexy beast…

"Well?" Yuffie snapped out of daydream of Reno lying slightly on his back with the V of his button-down shirt dipping lower and lower. _Damn hormones_, Yuffie winced. "Well what?"

Reno rolled his eyes. _Why couldn't I have gotten someone with no ADD and a bigger rack?_ "Well, what experience do you have?" Reno eyes narrowed as he saw her blush. "Don't tell me you never kissed anyone!"

"Nuh uh, there was that one time with Cloud!" blurted Yuffie. She followed it with an audible gasp. Oh man, Cloud would be so pissed if he found out someone else knew. It happened so long ago, and that was before he was seriously into Aeris. They were both embarrassed by the end of the date and kind of beat it back into their subconscious.

Reno chuckled, "Must be some kiss. He was more obsessed with that Aeris girl then you."

"Hey, shut up…Turkey!" Yuffie ground her teeth in frustration. _Why did I even think of him? What a Jerky Turkey!_

"Probably was also drawn away by that preadolescent body you have."

"Hey, I have boobs!" shouted Yuffie and grabbed her breasts, uplifting her almost A cups. Yuffie felt like dying of embarrassment as Reno broke out brawling with laughter. She calmly put her hands down to her sides. She was sure her face was red as a tomato by now.

Reno continued to chuckle, but patted the mattress. Yuffie grudgingly sat down on the mattress and shrieked when Reno pulled her closer. They ended up a tangle on the bed, with her back leaning on his legs, the back of her head supported by his knees, and one arm wrapped around his waist.

"Relax," soothed Reno. He gave a satisfied grunt as he felt her muscles loosening. He bent over her, so that his face was directly over hers. She tilted her head up and looked him in the eyes. Reno had to admit she had some of the prettiest dark eyes. They shifted from dark grey to obsidian amethyst, depending on how the light hit them.

"Now for a taste..." Yuffie was wondering what he meant by that until he lowered his head. _Oh, of course he's going to kiss me; kind of weird, it being upside down and all. Hmm, warm and comfy. He's not bad kisser, this Reno_ _guy._

Reno lifted his head up and gave her a satisfied smirk. "As I thought…" Yuffie frowned and sat up. Facing him, she gave him a puzzled look.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means, you taste like I thought you would: innocent with a hint of sugary goodness." _And some maple syrup to boot._

"Oh." For once in her life Yuffie was speechless. She didn't know why she was so flustered and blushing so furiously. _C'mon, this was my idea to begin with anyways!_

Reno flashed her a devil-may-care smile, "had enough?" Yuffie glowered; the jerk was trying to shirk from his duties. She was paying good materia for this to end too soon.

"Never," she shouted, "let's continue to the next stage."

"Well then," Reno gave her a gentlemanly bow of the head, "let's continue." He held her chin up and nibbled on her lip, bordering on pain. Yuffie gasped at a slight sting and Reno moved in for the advantage.

It was odd feeling the tip of his tongue enter her mouth, but his other hand moving higher and higher up her back in circular motions was also causing weird sensations on her. One moment she felt like it was too much, the warmth spreading up her back and building between her thighs, reaching a fever pitch, but on the other hand, she craved his warmth, his body heat even though she was about to burn up herself.

Yuffie moaned in pleasure as her body sank into her mattresses, her weight and his pulling both of them down. Too much, yet not enough all at once. She grasped his shoulders and kissed him back, as roughly as he was kissing at her. One finger caressed his shirt at the opening and she pressed her finger up and down his chest. She felt him shudder in pleasure. Yuffie protested as sudden cold draft blew over her body, and felt her arms loosen their hold over him. She realized Reno had stood up. She weakly got herself into a sitting position.

"I think that concludes our lesson, Yuffie." Yuffie blinked, still trying to make sense of what happened. _That bastard, he's as cool as ever, looking at me; smirking like he's all that and not affected!_ Reno put his hand on each side of Yuffie. The girl leaned back a little, trying to avoid the electrifying effect they had when they touched each other.

"Come over for dinner tomorrow. It's been a while since Elena could have a nice girl chat. I think she's tired of yelling to me, but even more tired of constantly talking with her boyfriend. Don't forget to bring the materia you promised too. See ya, yo." Reno tried to walk normally out of the room, hoping Yuffie didn't notice the strain in his walk…or the strain in his pants.

Yuffie sat dazed on her bed. Life just got so complicated. Over dosage of hotness was bad, but so good for a girl.

-end-

Well, got that Reiffe out of my system. I hope they weren't too OOC. I have to admit, I've only watched FFAC, didn't even finish FF7 (gasp), never played DoC (double gasp), nor have I ever been kiss (faints from gasping too much) so I hope my rendition wasn't too bad. If some of the facts were off or the characters were badly portrayed, feel free to flame me. They'll be used to keep me warm during winter!

And if you just love this fluffiness, then review! Positive comments help boosts my morale. And if I get enough reviews, I might make a true Vincent/Yuffie/Reno triangle as a sequel.

I was inspired by VVluvspugs' New Improved Strip Club Try Outs! on YouTube. Reno danced so well because he looked like a party animal and he's perfect person to teach Yuffie how to kiss.

P.S. Vincent wasn't bad at dancing in that video too! Go check it out. It's a Sims2 FF7 mod.


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